Mathematical humor

V. V. Raman

Circular I received this morning {Don't read if you are allergic to maths. You may curculate this to your math friends.] You and I know that the word 'algebra' originated from 'al jabr' of Arabic and when medieval Arabian mathematics spread to Europe through Spain, the word 'algebraista' meant a bone setter (since 'aljabr' means reunion or joining). Now, read the following: (you may have got this from some other source; it is going rounds): Here is a variant of an "old classic": SINES of the Tri-ons -- Hot off the wires: At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a fearsome cult,", Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like "x" and "y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns", but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared. When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to disintegrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love toinflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point,and draw the line." President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex." Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks. V. V. Raman's reply: Thanks for the interesting math-parody which, though it does not find any finite solution to the problems we are facing because the variables are very complex, at least establishes the existence of imaginary roots to some of the inequalities, even if they are in very compact spaces. Personally I fear our predicament is that we are in an infinite series of difficulties with little hope of any convergence. I am also afraid of the periodicity of the singular events which are incommensurable. Instead of integrating everything, we must learn to differentiate the good from the bad. Or else, we will be diagonalizing what is happening within the matrix of our civilization, and if we are not careful about the limits, the whole thing may blow into infinity. We must remember that this al-gebra is not linear. Given all this, there is no point beating about the Bush. As always, V. V. Raman December 5, 2003

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